Thursday, April 19, 2007

Ask Angela

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Dear Angela,

I have a crush on the most wonderful lady. She is very tall and is uncomfortable that I am so much shorter than her. Being a love kamikaze pilot, I am going for it anyways. She is so much taller than me, that I realized that she would not be able to fit into my bed. I even measured my bed with a tape measure! After worrying about it, I did the math and discovered though the magic of the Pythagorean Theorem (a^2+b^2=c^2), that she would fit diagonally.Now that I know that she fits, how I can I help her be more comfortable with my height? Should I just say love me or leave me? Are there any fashionable alternatives to elevator shoes that you can recommend?

Hypotenuse Lover

Dear Hypotenuse,

I must start off by saying that you are certainly the most charming mathematician I have ever had the pleasure of corresponding with! Your hypotenuse theory is well formulated, but prematurely applied. First things first: courting a woman of stature.

In an ideal world, the height issue would be completely superficial and ignorable and wouldn't even come close to affecting matters of the heart. But the fact is, it is rare (if not impossible) for a gal to feel romantically linked to a chap without being attracted to him first.

The good news is that you have a chance to attract this girl despite your lilliputian stature. Here's a big hint: Nothing is more attractive than someone who feels good just being themselves. Let Tom Cruise handle the elevator shoes and just wear what makes you feel good. Be yourself, Einstein, and don't let your height paranoia get in the way of enjoying the time you spend with this special lady friend.

If you and this lovely glamazon are meant to be, it will happen naturally. And please remember, theories can be proven wrong, but only through thorough experimentation: for this, you will need many participants of all heights. Don't limit yourself!


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