Ladies and Gentlemen,
The world is full of color. There are tints, there are shades and sometimes there are even sparkles. I'm here to help you remember that you are the creative force in your life. Come take respite on higher ground, gain a fresh perspective and paint your world anew. Ask Angela.
askangela@letoilemagazine.com
Dear Angela,
Same old story: been in love with a gal who didn't love me back for the better part of three years. We're very good friends despite this inequality rearing its head every once in a while. Because she tends to be confused about what she really wants (my best guess) and not naturally inclined toward expressing herself openly and honestly, it only recently came about that she believes nothing can ever come of us. Having sensed this long, slow decline in our relationship, and being a pessimist at heart, the result comes as no shock to me, and I rationally accept that the chances are nil. I've told her I'd make no further overtures towards her. Since then, whenever we've spent time together, I've found it hard to come to grips with the reality of the situation. I sometimes find it hard to even look at her without it all flooding back. How can I be both honest to myself and a good friend to her? Neither of us wants our friendship to unravel. I'm not necessarily averse to time apart, but we've done that a few times in the past and I'm trying not to create the hurt feelings (in both parties) that can accompany an abrupt break-off. What do I need to do to be comfortable with just being friends?
Dear Best Friend Forever,
Same old story? We've all been there. A relationship is like a death,and there are all kinds: sudden, slow and painful, young, old. Regardless of how it ends, it's difficult, but like a death, you must let go to avoid being haunted by your past. You must both mourn the loss of this 3 year relationship. Whether it was a loving relationship or one of convenience, it is, nevertheless, a loss. Sounds like one or both of you is hesitant to pull the plug on your vegetable of a relationship. So to avoid totally "killing" this metaphor (sorry, I couldn't resist) let's switch to yet another metaphor!
In Feng Shui, it is considered bad "chi" to hold on to things that no longer serve us or make us happy. Think of the relationship as a couch. If your couch wasn't working out for you...let's say the dog peed on it...and kept peeing on it again and again...would you insist on keeping it around until you brought a new one home? Or would give up trying to scrub the smell out, get some discipline around the house(bad dog!) throw out the damn couch and make room for the new? My point is, if you ever want to be happy in another relationship, you're going to need some time apart and some healing for that to happen. This time alone will also give you some space to reflect on what you do want in the next relationship. Sounds like you need to focus on meeting someone who knows herself and expresses herself well. She's out there, but she's waiting until you're totally single, whole and ready to introduce herself! Don't settle for less. You owe that much to yourself. Deep down you both know you have the discipline needed to quit peeing on the couch! And if you're still too selfless to do this for yourself, do it for your ex: let her know you'll be a better friend to her AFTER you've moved on.
hearts,
Angela
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